Repeat after me – “I am not the center of the Universe”
Ultimately, growing as a Leader requires developing two things: Humility and Empathy…
We can’t learn – if we think we already “know”… and we can’t lead – if we don’t strive to better understand what it is to “be” someone else.
As a Leadership Coach, I’d love to tell you how I’ve always had an innate understanding of these two principles – and how I’ve led a storied career as a beacon of leadership – exemplifying these critical capacities in all that I have done…
Alas, like many things in life, I’ve tended to learn my deepest and most enduring lessons – the hard way… and only after reflecting for years with feedback from those who cared enough to tell me what I didn’t want to hear… and yet desperately needed to understand.
Early in my career, a healthy (?) combination of ambition, curiosity, and insecurity often drove me to attain and display a level of subject matter expertise that; combined with privilege and dumb luck, was typically rewarded with accelerated achievement of my career aspirations (ie: I got promoted a lot…).
With greater success, came greater reinforcement, distorted self-awareness (“I’m THAT good!”), warped perspective (“If a little is good, more must be even better!”), and of course… a truly alienating degree of good old-fashioned arrogance.
Fortunately, a few kind souls pulled me aside and shared their observations and some much- needed constructive criticism. I would like to tell you that I graciously thanked them for the feedback and immediately took it to heart. I’d like to tell you that… but I can’t. Actually, I was defensive and dismissive… and made light of the feedback with myself and with others (I once told someone that my New Year’s Resolution was to “Ooze with Humility” – just to poke fun at my “critics”).
Thinking you know it all… and not caring too much about how you are being experienced and perceived by others – is an unfortunately common set of characteristics among those quickly ascending the leadership ladder. Incidentally, they also serve as a great application process for admission to the School of Hard Knocks. Let’s just say that in my case, it took me decades to “earn my degree”…
Repeatedly, I led with arrogance and a sense of self-importance/egocentrism that added unnecessary complexity to situations, interfered with achievement of desired outcomes, and callously impacted those I was charged with leading. Rarely, did I seek to truly understand others’ perspectives or lived experiences to any depth, especially if they did not concur with my own. Seldom, did I see my contribution to the problem…
It was embarrassingly late in my career; and after continually hitting brick walls, that I began to understand how much more I could learn, how much more others would want to work with me, how much more we could accomplish collectively, if… I would approach interactions and challenges with curiosity, as opportunities to learn, and to fully engage others – so we could achieve success. Of course, that meant removing myself from the “center” of everything and striving to create opportunities for others to grow… so they could realize their aspirations. That meant leading with humility – and learning to see the world from the perspective of others…
As a Coach, I’d like to say I have this down now… but I can’t. I’m still learning.
We’re all a “work in progress”…
Enough about me… (there was an awful lot of “I” in this article – considering the message…).
How goes “your” journey?